Chapter Three - Dark Dreams

It was a whisper in the void. A wind, a breath that tastes rotten in the cold air of dawn, a smell like blood, iron and fresh snow. A smell like death. A murmur amongst the gods, an angry murmur like that of one run out of patience, a muttering full of wrath against a fallen race. A disturbance in the midst of the Silence, cacophonous. From darkness came light, from light came chaos. And there are holes in time, and gaps in space, and snouted worms are crawling through them like maggots in a decomposing universe. They are the guardians of sanity, and they have turned renegades. Now they are the devourers of the world, and all must fall to their hunger. An eternity passes as the universe is born amidst chaos. What is sanity?

Vertiginous chasms of darkness, and the light of insanity pours between the cracks of reality. Run, young fool, run! Can you not see how it is all dissipating? Are not your feet already gone, vanished into the mists, your legs following? How do you walk, how run? Do you not see the world dissolving in shades of blue, blue and glittering as the roofs of yon distant city under a swift sunrise, that you looked on from afar and above but could never reach? Do not buy the Mandrake from the shifty-eyed trader, you will get crushed by the ceiling and you can't cut a good crystal with it anyway. Or can you? It has never been tried. Quick, calculate infinity divided by nothing in base zero; you have three seconds! Two! One second! You lose and get eaten by the rampant fungi. Try again? Yes, no, ignore, abort. Retry. Infinity multiplied by infinity multiplied by an infinite number of infinities, then subtracted by one. What are numbers?

Run, run fast! Shadows are at your heels, shadows dancing like flames formed of mist, licking greedily at the dissolving floor. They are burning not with heat but with disorder - feel the wave of confusion that washes over your face as you look upon them. Cracks open inside the floor, and widen to open upon sights not meant for mortals. Do not let the flames catch you, or you will never have existed Can you remember the towers of Nalax? Of course you cannot; they were erased from history and present and future, to exist only in dreams and in the narrow gaps between reality. The academy was called Nalax, it was called Avtris, it was called Orithan, it was named Oriath. What is reality?

Only one colour, but not one size, stuck at the bottom, yet easily flies. Present in sun, but not in rain, doing no harm and feeling no pain. If a hundred red-eyed monks sit together at mass, and suddenly a tourist shouts: "Why, none of you have red eyes!", then how long will it take until they are all dead? How long will it take until they are reincarnated as rabbits and learn to live with their natural eye colour? Why does night fall and day break and not vice versa? If a tree falls in the forest and there is---

Crash.

The stream ended, the tree has fallen and I lie crushed beneath it, trying to catch my breath. Where am I? How did I come here? I feel disorientation, as if floating through space. I have awoken from a strange dream, but am now awake. I open my eyes, for a cold breeze is blowing across my face. I am sitting in a circular stone hall, five passages winding outside from the center where I am sitting. The floor mosaic is forming a five-pointed star, each of the rays a different colour. I am facing the red ray, and the open gateway that yawns before me, opening up into the deep darkness of a long tunnel is made from iron. It is rusty, and looks like dried blood. What is the meaning of this? I stand up and turn around slowly, facing each of the five hallways in turn.

Another one is silver, the white ray of the star points toward it. It is opposite the black ray, which is pointing toward a door of obsidian. Still another door appears to be made of sapphire, and I notice a green ray pointing toward it. The sight looks out of place, for the ray opposite the green one is colored red, and in that direction lies a doorway painted blue.

It hardly surprises me when I realize that something else is wrong with my perception of this room: Opposite rays? The star has five points, has it not? I count them again. Blue, white, red, green, red, black. No, silver, brown, yellow, red, dark blue, violet, red, light blue. No, I have turned in a circle now. I step outside of the central tile of the star in order to be able to observe all of its points at once, because I suspect they are changing their colour as I count them. But in the moment I step off the tile, the floor resounds with a loud click, and with a groan of ancient stone gears, the entire room begins to spin so fast that I am knocked to the ground. The walls are turning as well, for I can clearly see the gateways moving over stone and then past the tunnel openings. They are all colored a rusty red now. The floor moves apart like these new radial doors that have recently become fashionable, and I fall out into the bright emptiness beneath....

My thoughts reach a strange clarity as the winds rush past me, ripping at my blue robes. I cannot see the bottom, for all around me is shining a bright light of a colour I cannot define. Words reach me from the past - in the same moment as I fall into the fissure, I realize that it would not be destroyed as planned. Confusion. Dark spots circle around me slowly. My eyesight returns to normal, the colours are inverted. I am falling through a void filled with stars, and the wind whispers to me of ancient dying worlds. A music resounds through the emptiness, and it is the most beautiful sound that I have ever heard. I close my eyes to listen to it. Then I hit the ground with a sickening crunch. I feel relieved for an instant. Then the tree that has been falling after me all this time hits my chest once again.

Where was I?

My memories returned but slowly. I was breathing heavily, suffocating beneath the--- tree? There was no tree. I grew aware that I was not heaving problems with my breathing because of a weight resting on my chest, but because my heart was hammering at an incredible pace inside it. The sudden awakening had alarmed me, although the awakening was probably the sanest thing that had happened to me since I had fallen asleep. But I still did not know where I was.

Then I remembered that I was in the Sapphire City. Or, to be more exact, in the neral, the Blue-Three dormitory of the Academy of Oriath, lying - or rather sitting upright - in my hammock, attempting to get my bearings. That left the issue of time.

There were no windows, for I was three levels beneath the surface. The air was stifling in my chamber, and I quickly opened the ventilation duct that had been sealed off before, allowing the cool breeze to flow over my face. Had my strange dreams been caused by this stale air and the suffocating heat? That would explain some of those visions that were still freshly imprinted on my waking mind with uncharacteristic clarity.

I looked at the carved crystal on the bedside. The coloured, glowing pinpoints of light that moved inside it told me it was just under an hour before sunrise.

Dawn yet again? Had I not just gone to sleep a few hours before noon? Struggling to think clearly, I began to count the days. I had left Avtris to take the test at dawn on the first day of the eleventh month. I had made a few preparations and then camped in the wilderness - I had entered the caves at dawn on the second day. I had left the caves at dawn on the third day. Then I had arrived at Avtris a few hours later. Then I had slept until...

My mind suddenly wide awake, I pushed aside the sheets and rushed to dress. The third sunrise after departure was the deadline by which examinees had to return to the Academy in order to pass. And the minutes until sunrise were even now ticking away, I realized as I ran through the room. Then I slipped on the stone cold floor in my haste and hit the ground with a painful thump. Rubbing my aching lower back, I stood up again and grabbed the blue robe from where I had discarded it the previous day, and wrapped myself in it. I took up my weapons and equipment again - it was better to come to the halls as I had left them - and stormed out of the chamber.

---

As I ran through the silent corridors, I was glad that the classes began only after sunrise - they would not start for nearly another hour, at which point the halls would be so crowded one could barely walk, let alone run. For some reason, all of the students would decide to leave for the classrooms precisely ten minutes before the lessons - and that after years and years of being stuck in the crowd every morning. Since my first year, I had taken to leaving five minutes earlier - a trick that had been to me by Olidra. He had also warned me to teach it to only one - at most two - other students in the lower years, since it would be rendered useless if everyone knew it. But now, it was at least half an hour until anyone would leave for the classrooms, and the long corridors were deserted.

Yet, the sky in the east was already beginning to turn orange by the time I had reached the central building where I needed to go. Hoping that "dawn" was not considered to be over before the sun had fully risen, I swiftly stepped up to the great double doors that were formed of a single, magically shaped crystal. They were locked.

Looking back, I now think that should already have warned me something was wrong. Were they not expecting me to return now? Was I already late? But at that time it did not; I was merely anxious to enter the hall as quickly as possible. I touched the silver key panel next to the door, and was treated to the sounds of silence. Either the panel had not recognized my palm, or I was not in its list of identified persons, or I was placed specifically on the list of persons to deny entry. Being that there was no way of knowing which of these was true, and I was going to go with optimism this morning, I pressed my hand on the panel once again, making sure to wipe the sweat off first.

Nothing.

In desperation, I began to knock on the door - knocked on the thick, impervious plates of crystal, first with my knuckles, then with my palm, then with both fists. There was no noticeable reaction, save that after around ten seconds of this, my hands were in burning pain forcing me to withdraw and surrender, ignobly, to the victorious door that looked none the worse for wear after my violent assault.

I was about ready to throw myself against the unyielding frames, when I heard steps within, drawing closer to the door.

Hastily, I took a few steps backward, trying to calm down my breathing and look composed - rather than like someone in an advanced state of panic. There was nothing to be gained by panicking, and the motto of the school did have something about serenity - I couldn't remember exactly, but it was the sort of tired quote a teacher was likely to throw at you if you looked agitated: Entirely devoid of content, but perfectly suited to make the one who uttered it sound wise. Or like a wisecracking smartass, rather.

The reason I had stepped backwards had little to do with that, however. The doors opened outward, and I had no intention of getting hit in the nose by a ton of crystal to round off the morning.

The doors slid ponderously outward, and light shone through the widening gateway. A man stepped out. He was very obviously a teacher, but against the light I could not make out a face in the non-descript robed figure. Then he spoke.

"You took your time, did you not?"

I must have looked stricken, for he immediately calmed my fears by continuing. "Yet there is still time - barely. Why you felt it necessary to wait until the last possible instant I do not understand - what is it with you students that you have to cut everything as close as you can? Dramatics?"

I could not but helplessly shake my head as I hurried inside the hall after him. The doors, sensing no one in their vicinity, fell close after a few seconds with a deep clang. It sounded very foreboding.

---

"Student Aidra," the voice sounded from the podium, with a deep resonance.

I was already feeling as if I had walked into the wrong room. Test assessments did not look like this, did they? As I took my appointed seat, I felt more like the defendant in a hall of justice about to receive his death sentence than a student about to receive his grade. Around me, the assembled professors of the Academy hovered like dark sorcerers or overgrown bats in their robes - I could recognize most of them, but not all. The speaker on the podium was Seris-Ihrno, the senior master of the Academy; next to him were sitting the other two members of the directorial triad. All the most powerful authorities of the institution were assembled here - a constellation whose unpleasant implications did not escape me.

"You are accused of breaking rules of procedure in taking your exam." Apparently, my instinct had been right. The uncomfortable feeling that had been sitting in my stomach for some time tightened all of a sudden into a dull, aching knot. Rules of procedure? Were they accusing me of cheating - had they found out about the hints Olidra had given me? The map even - the general hints could be excused; the map could not.

"The rules clearly state that upon departing to take the test, you must travel directly to the testing grounds by the shortest way possible. After completing the test, you must then leave the caverns immediately and return to this hall by the shortest means possible. Do you deny that you have done neither of these two things?"

My mind was too busy boggling to reply at first. I was expecting an immediate expulsion for receiving help; instead I was being accused of taking a nap before returning to the hall? Nonetheless, I was just a bit worried. The past years had taught me how these bureaucracies worked: A minor violation of procedure could just as easily disqualify me as an actual proven attempt at cheating. The knot in my stomach had become a hard, acidic ball, and I felt sick. There was no other way, however - the consequences of disclaiming these violations were decidedly more dire than the violations themselves.

"I deny neither." With honesty unto the grave, I thought cynically. My downfall would once again be my instinctive urge to be truthful. That, and my incessant tiredness that forced me to take naps when I could least afford them.

"Do you realize the serious nature of your violation?" As a matter of fact, I did not; I remained silent in answer to the rhetorical question. I waited for them to continue. They did not, so I gave an almost imperceptible nod.

"Upon your briefing, you are given crucial information," they went on as if I had answered the last question with no. "By delaying the time you enter the test, you are able to engage in further preparation prior to your actual entry in response to this crucial information. Doing so grants an unfair advantage to the student who does it." Actually, we were all given the same time and thus the same opportunity to do so - some unfair advantage that was. The preparation that I had engaged in had not even been affected by the little information that had been given to me - I had known I would fight monsters, use magic and solve riddles, and which first-grader did not know to expect that from the forachid? I had camped in the wilderness for a day to catch up on the sleep that I had missed in the previous nights of studying. Only a fool goes to battle tired when not forced to do so. Again, I did not respond - it was better not to argue.

"Furthermore, our assessment hinges upon our ability to judge the amount of time you required to take the test." So I was accused because my violation artificially lowered the score? I didn't know it was against the rule to stay under the potential maximum. This was more than I was going to stay silent about.

"Would it be unconventional to give me the score according to the time between my departure from here and my return?"

"In light of your using the full three days - something that has not occurred for two hundred and seventy four years, when a student remained in the riddle halls for two days - yes, it would certainly be unconventional. Your score according to this rating would be abysmal." Better than none at all...but I did not reply.

"Besides, this issue is moot because of the earlier violation. Even had you returned by the shortest way possible, you have used an unfair advantage in not entering by the shortest way."

I think that was the time when I was beginning to get the message. It just made no sense at first, and that's why I didn't acknowledge it right away.

"The valid procedure has not been followed in your performance of the examination. Your performance is therefore invalid."

I was hearing the words, and they formed sentences, but the sentences did not make any sense. Was I still caught in the earlier dream? I was able to answer the question with No immediately - in a dream, one did not wonder whether one was dreaming. I was caught in cold, grey reality and it was worse than the nightmare I had woken up from. I did not need to hear the rest of Seris-Ihrno's speech - I had failed the examination, and by implication was now expelled from the academy. No second chances. This was the end.

Curiously, it was a sensation other than despair that appeared to grip me in that strange moment. It would have been, probably, had the directors actually accused me of a different violation - I had had help on the exam, and even received a map of one of the mazes. Had this been the reason for my expulsion, I would have been horrified, but horrified while acknowledging guilt.

Instead, what I felt was a surging anger. Behind my eyes, points of blinding fire were burning brightly, and my stomach was full of the bitter rage of injustice. That weight I felt on my back were the seventeen years spent in these halls, studying for the courses, buying the course materials in the market square to craft products that the academy would later sell again, nearly two decades of my life. Wasted in one go, because I had twice slept too long when I should not have. How had I even slept for what must undoubtedly be at least twenty hours? Such long periods were uncommon even for extreme sleep deprivation among our people!

I had jumped up from my seat even as Seris-Ihrno continued - "...therefore not award you the degree of the Academy of Oriath, nor the title of Ka." But I had turned around and was already racing down the long stone hall, between the empty seats of the auditorium. There were teachers on either side that had been listening to the whole procedure. They made no move to stop me. And then, as I came level with the entrance, I saw a figure robed in red, unlike the clothing of the academy - with utter shock, I recognized Olidra. He had witnessed the entire thing! He had seen me accused, and had seen me expelled - and had said nothing. With another pang of betrayal, I remembered the words we had spoken at parting on the previous days.

catch some sleep... or I'll slump over dead...

Then go.

Then go.I had had ample warnings whenever he had helped me, in violation of the rules - this was the one time when I was doing something that would have gotten me disqualified, and he had warned me with not a single word. I sought to look into his eyes, but he looked past me with a cold gaze. With renewed rage, as well as a mixture of shame and disappointment, I threw open the great doors and ran out.

I caught the last few fragments from the master that sounded like "expelled" or "exiled", I couldn't make out which and it was all the same anyway, and then I was out of the hall. The huge crystal doors clanged shut behind me with a deep sound that did not sound foreboding now as much as mournful. I had left the Academy behind forever, and was running away into the swiftly rising sun.

 3668 words.